Inching slowly backwards...
This is one of those posts that is awkward to write, but I need to speak. I don't really want people to read and comment, but I need to clear these thoughts out of my head.
Call it free therapy, click on to something else.
The problem as always, is my partner's psychotic ex.
The bile and poison that the Ex injects into my partner's life and my life gets harder and harder to deal with.
All of the posion that was produced in court, the invasive photographing of me and my partner, the following, the detectives, the medical records, the fake emails, the discussion of my name, my car registration, my job, my career prospects, how often I stay at my partner's house all of these things have been circling since the court case.
Now, slowly they are settling to earth.
I cannot be seen at the house, because the Ex's parents video and photograph my entry and exit.
I cannot keep anything in the house, becuase they may have gained access to the house and may make claims that I live there, if I have anything more than a change of clothes.
All of the poison, slops around in the space between me and my partner. It fills the air with fumes, it forces distance, it brings talk of lawyers and court orders and custody.
It removes any and all trace of affection. It drains any conversation of humour, or light or warmth.
I am cast out. I must not be seen. I am more trouble.
So, I feel the ties shiver lose, I feel the binds come free, I feel the distance grow and the warmth falter.
I am crushed with despair and understanding at the same time.
This is what the Ex wanted. They wanted the poison to kill whatever new life there was, they want control and mastery over my partner now and forever.
And my partner is trapped, caught in the glare, the spotlight of madness, pinned down by the In Laws and tortured by poky, obsessive, curtain twitching cunts.
I try to be bigger than that.
I try to rise above, to be patient, calm and wise.
But, I'm not.
I'm despairing, I'm distant and every day inexorably shifted further away by the tide of poison... I'm very nearly done...
And I'm angry. Beyond words or action. I am furious. But powerless, an observer, an eye witness at someone elses car crash...
Call it free therapy, click on to something else.
The problem as always, is my partner's psychotic ex.
The bile and poison that the Ex injects into my partner's life and my life gets harder and harder to deal with.
All of the posion that was produced in court, the invasive photographing of me and my partner, the following, the detectives, the medical records, the fake emails, the discussion of my name, my car registration, my job, my career prospects, how often I stay at my partner's house all of these things have been circling since the court case.
Now, slowly they are settling to earth.
I cannot be seen at the house, because the Ex's parents video and photograph my entry and exit.
I cannot keep anything in the house, becuase they may have gained access to the house and may make claims that I live there, if I have anything more than a change of clothes.
All of the poison, slops around in the space between me and my partner. It fills the air with fumes, it forces distance, it brings talk of lawyers and court orders and custody.
It removes any and all trace of affection. It drains any conversation of humour, or light or warmth.
I am cast out. I must not be seen. I am more trouble.
So, I feel the ties shiver lose, I feel the binds come free, I feel the distance grow and the warmth falter.
I am crushed with despair and understanding at the same time.
This is what the Ex wanted. They wanted the poison to kill whatever new life there was, they want control and mastery over my partner now and forever.
And my partner is trapped, caught in the glare, the spotlight of madness, pinned down by the In Laws and tortured by poky, obsessive, curtain twitching cunts.
I try to be bigger than that.
I try to rise above, to be patient, calm and wise.
But, I'm not.
I'm despairing, I'm distant and every day inexorably shifted further away by the tide of poison... I'm very nearly done...
And I'm angry. Beyond words or action. I am furious. But powerless, an observer, an eye witness at someone elses car crash...
posted by Conformist No. 1 | 2:04 PM
3 Comments:
Wow, that sounds very hard to deal with. It is hard to understand how a person becauses so poisonous....you would think if they really cared for their ex they would be above such things. I suppose it just shows you what people are capable of when things don't go their way.
Jesus. Jesus. Really. I know you don't want us to read or comment. Tough. Buzz me when you need me. Any time.
Same re SL - feel compelled to post. Your variety of dooms make me want to cry. Hold on in there. I hope you get some turning up of the books soon. We need you.
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