The Older I get

The older I get, the more I learn about people - and the more I realise, how little I actually know.

For years I think I've listened to people, but not really heard what they say.

I know what they are trying to say, or so I think, then I filter that through my own needs and concerns and carry on doing what I was doing anyway.

I don't really listen.

I know this, because I found when I actually do listen to someone, pay attention to what they are saying, think about why they are saying and ask myself what made them say it in the first place, my reaction is usually about 180 degrees different from what it would be otherwise.

I say this, I know this, I've learnt this, but it is still very hard to put it into practice.

And when I look back at my life and the mistakes I've made and the stupid things I've done and the time I've wasted - I wonder whether things would have been different if I had listened more...

Could I have fixed things that are now broken forever?

Could I have lived a better life - or made life easier for other people around me?

Could I still be friends with all the people I just drifted away from?

I don't know how to go back and fix things - and I have no confidence that I won't keep making the same mistakes over and over and over again.

Sometimes it's only when you see other people heading down the same torturous path you've already stumbled along - that you realise, you can't change other people, you can't even change yourself.

All you can do is listen and at least try to learn.

One day, maybe I'll be a better person - Some days I struggle just to be me.