Blogging about Blogging

It always seems that Blogs about Blogging are frowned upon.

I know anytime I have posted previously about the difficulties or otherwise in posting, older, wiser Bloggers, shake their heads and tut tut about introspective navel gazing... Then they usually ask why I'm not using Typepad and why I don't post more often...

Still though, sometimes I need to write things down to work them out.

And writing them down in a word document and saving it on my laptop doesn't seem to have the same power as writing them down and placing them in the public eye.

Yet, when I come to write stuff specifically for a blog, I am always hamstrung by self consciousness...

So, I write glib posts about non important matters.

I've tried the secret blog - and I just re-read the posts on it - I was certainly very honest, but it's difficult to imagine anyone reading it...

I need to get beneath my skin and let the things in my head out... A fine mixed metaphor...

This morning on the plane, I was thinking about the way I live my life.

The simple version is that I always sit in the aisle seat. This morning's flight was not that full and I was seated in what would normally be the business section, so I was in a two seat row. Just an aisle seat and a window seat.

I had of course checked in two hours early, which meant I got up at 5am.

Anyway, I was sitting in my aisle seat, the guy beside me was sitting in his window seat.

The following points of difference unfolded during the flight...

HIM
Window Seat
Pushed seat back
Had two glasses of Red Wine
Bought E160 headphones on the way through the airport
Stared out the window at quite spectacular views
Went to the loo twice

ME
Aisle Seat
Kept seat upright
Drank Water
Bought nothing
Read book, stared at nothing
Went to the loo once

Anyway, the point was, he seemed to be living more of a life than me.

I sometimes feel like I live my life like a part time freelance person.

Not really committing to anything, always waiting for something to happen, never actually in the moment, putting up with things but not doing anything

It's like how I behave with money - I worry about it incessantly but I don't actually plan or act on any of my worries

Or my job, somehow in my head it's a temporary thing - so much so that I haven't even signed up for frequent flyer clubs - because I don't really think I'll be doing it for long enough to benefit... This is after 13 months of pretty much continuous travel.

I don't know how to get out of this cycle of stop start, temporary living.

I need to sit in the window seat more often